By Kate Stewart

Kids ask questions – a lot of questions. When they are small, you struggle as a parent to provide accurate information that they can understand. Many times you don’t know the answer or it is buried deep in the recesses of your mind. Why is the sky blue?  Why does the Earth rotate around the sun?  How deep is the deepest part of the ocean and what lives there? And so on.

Then, one day, the constant questioning stops.  You look up from your coffee and you realize all of a sudden that the house is quiet. Where are those non-stop question machines - sitting with their ipods, reading a book, or playing on the computer. At first you sit and enjoy the silence and the chance to actually read the paper.

Then, overnight, the role of incessant questioner switches and you become the one to ask all the questions.  How was school? What did you do today? What are you reading? Who are you talking to on the phone? Who was that boy you were with after school? The answers we receive are shrugs and nothings.

Then, the worry sets in and you begin to wonder about what are they doing afterschool and what do they talk about on the phone, and what they are texting their friends about. You think back to the days when they were younger and asking all their questions, especially the questions about sex. You wonder - what did I say? Did I give them good information? Do they know about contraceptives and how to prevent STIs?

Then, one day you are driving the car. Your daughter is in the backseat with her best friend, and they are whispering about something. You know you should give them their privacy, but you can’t help yourself. You lean your head back and listen…

Best friend: “I heard you can get pregnant if you just let a boy touch you down there.”

Daughter: “That’s ridiculous. My mother told me all about this long ago. You get pregnant when you don’t use birth control and the boy puts his penis in the girl’s vagina. Anyway you should always use a condom or some other type of birth control.”

Best friend: “Oh…what’s a condom?”

Daughter sounding exasperated: “Haven’t you talked to your mom about this?”

Then, you smile to yourself and continue driving, thinking maybe I did ok answering those questions.

In our house we have some basic rules about talking to our daughters about sex:

1. Always answer their questions. Never avoid a chance to talk no matter how uncomfortable it makes you feel.
2. Always use the correct names for body parts – penis, vagina, etc.
3. Let the child lead the conversation. Give short answers to questions and wait for them to ask more questions.
4. End every conversation telling them you are always here to answer any questions they have.
5. And, always have a good book at the ready to refer to for those times when you can’t actually find the words yourself. Click here for a list of Web sites, books and other resources to help you find the words!