This blog by Jasmine, a youth activist in South Carolina, was written as part of our "Celebrating Pride" series for June.

Growing up, I knew I was different from every other girl.  I hated wearing dresses and glitter, I always put my hair back in a scrunchie with my snapback hat on, and I didn’t have a favorite princess.  Instead, my imaginary friends involved Batman and the Power Rangers.  Now all of these things other girls could be into as well, but the last final things really made me feel I was different.  My first grade crush was on a girl and I wish that I was a boy so I could hold her hand and pretend we were married.

I always wrote about Nicki in my school journals, and drew drawings with me and her with hearts.  Have I ever approached Nicole Deckard? Yes, I have.  I remember walking up to her at recess, being so scared to tell her how I felt. I remember saying these words, “Nicki, I like you.” And her replying, “I like you too Jasmine! We can be best friends!” That day was a big disappointment to me, and I daydreamed about being a boy and having my chance with all of the girls that I’ve found attractive or nice. I spent most of my days dreaming, while other kids had the experience of being able to express mutual feelings with the opposite sex.

One day, I really got sick of hiding.  It was January of 2007, my freshman year of high school when I decided to come out to a few friends. At Ridge View High there were a large amount of gays from the black community.  Many women that dressed in boys attire that were labeled studs, and I guess all of them inspired me to come out.  My friends took it well, but at the same time they didn’t.  Many of them are Christians, and I am too.  I didn’t have an answer for them at the time when they said being homosexual is a sin. My father probably took it the worst, but not with my sexuality perhaps.  It was my choice of gender expression at the time, and I wanted to dress in more male attire.  He said some pretty horrible things to me, but I feel he said those things out of fear and ignorance.

Either way, my life at school was separate from my life at home. It was especially separate from my life at church. I had my first love the summer before my sophomore year and during my sophomore year my parents took me to see a counselor a couple times.  I believe this was their own way of supporting me.  I don’t know if they knew this woman would support me since it was a Christian counselor that wasn’t gay, but she helped me through a lot with those few sessions.  She gave me a book called the The New Testament and Homosexuality. It took me years to read that book, I finally finished it my senior year.  It took a lot more research than that book to really finally realize that God did accept me, which I believe was the most important test.  I prayed to God when I was 11 years old to take that feeling away if it was wrong, and all I did was find more answers to prove I was fine the way I am.

Even today as a junior at Winthrop University, I have continued research and learn more about gender and sexuality, which in return answers a lot of questions about myself and others.  I feel even through all of the twists and turns in my life due to my sexuality or gender expression, I feel I am proud that I have gotten through the struggles and I will continue to.  The worst struggle is to find self-acceptance even when others may not accept you, and that can be hard to do when we live in a society that teaches hate and ignorance towards people that don’t understand.  It’s like that raise you to hate yourself, without you even knowing it yet.  So I guess when you finally can reach down and love yourself, then you will finally find others that will accept you and love you for all of you as well, even if it’s just one person who does accept you.  This is why I wanted to give back on campus and become a support officer for GLoBAL (Gay, Lesbian, Transgender, Bisexual, and Ally League). I wanted to maybe be that one person for someone.  Being able to say you are still here makes you strong! This is why I am proud to be an LGBT person.  And everyone else should feel this way as well.